Friday, 2 October 2020

Self-Compassion: Vital nourishment for our growth, success & INNER STRENGTH?

Self-Compassion: Vital nourishment for our growth, success & INNER STRENGTH?



Habit formation via repetition & reinforcement is key to the pursuit of goals. That’s what enables us to operate from a zone of unconscious competence. But it’s also true that obstacles, setbacks, and failures are part of the journey. Be it lifestyle changes or pursuit of other forms of goals & outcomes in life, our real growth often happens in these trying circumstances.


How well do we treat ourselves while we navigate tough terrain? Do we (unwittingly at times) tend to become our most unsparing critics, hoping it makes us battle-hardened? In the process, are we undermining our own chances while we attempt to rise from the ashes?


I was telling a friend recently that Self Compassion is the YIN to the YANG in Self Esteem when it comes to living a life of growth, happiness, fulfillment and sustainable success. In an emerging social context that celebrates achievement orientation, talk about “wishy-washy” ideas like Self Compassion can often make people uncomfortable.


But it’s important we get over this discomfort, and that too pretty soon. Practicing self-compassion is akin to preparing the soil with the right nutrients for the best crop possible.


The soil here really is our unconscious mind, which is the seat of unconscious competence after all! That’s where our repeated actions get crystallized as powerful habits. If the soil isn’t quite right, don’t we need to rectify that?


Listen to this inspiring & highly informative talk by Dr. Kristin Neff, an American academic who has done solid research in the area of self-compassion. Lot of tips and perspectives that are very useful. Please do check it out during the weekend.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUMF5R7DoOA


A powerful takeaway from Dr. Neff’s talk is that self-compassion is what enables you to actually emerge strongest from a crisis or failure!

Also, there are many good resources (including self assessment tools) at the following URL:


https://self-compassion.org/

Friday, 23 November 2018

Magic 7, a Toolkit for the 21st Century Leader





Eleven years ago, Meenakshi felt she had everything going for her. Two promotions within a span of 20 months, third time recipient of The Best Account Manager award, and heading the most strategic corporate account in one of South India’s fastest growing banks… she was now counted among the top 1% super performers. Every day Meena would be among the first to arrive for work, with that radiant smile and oodles of energy. For weeks on end she was literally living out of her suitcase, and didn’t seem to mind it one bit! This was a dream she’d pursued right from her B-school days. Rajan who was into his sixth year as CEO, would often call her Meena the Unstoppable!




Until one day, when Sandhya, a Program Manager who directly reported to her suddenly announced she was quitting to move closer to her hometown. This was like a bolt from the blue as Meena often looked at Sandhya as a potential successor. The latter was always the ‘hands-on details gal’ while Meena was happy to push the envelope when it came to the ‘Big Picture’. Together they were a winning ticket (Rajan would call them MS-Office!), and Sandhya was very critical for the expansion plans of this new account. What came as an even bigger shock for Meena was the buzz in the corridor that Sandhya was actually leaving in frustration, unable to cope with Meena’s brutal deadlines and those occasional outbursts (no w a little “frequent” after some sudden crises in the new account).



It was a particularly warm late August afternoon. Sandhya was about to arrive for her one-on-one discussion, and Meena had picked up a third espresso to beat that recurring migraine. As she sat in anticipation, Meena wondered why she never had a clue. “What on earth could’ve gone wrong”? “Were there any signals, really”? Above all, this would seriously hit the new account as getting someone up to speed in a role like this ain’t gonna be easy. She was surprised to see Rajan in her office instead of Sandhya. “She’ll meet you soon, can we have a quick chat Meena”?



Last week, there was a lot of excitement at one of the most sought after 7 star hotels in the city. PST Bank had recently announced big changes in their leadership team. The Bank CEO has just arrived for the customary press conference to announce the yearly results and take questions about a recent mega acquisition.



The Emcee had just announced “Let’s rise up and Welcome the first woman CEO of PST”.


Meanwhile, on the left side of the stage, something interesting was going on. The Exec Vice President of PST was giving “Tirupati Prasadam” to the CEO and whispering “All the Best, Madam CEO, this prasadam is from Rajan Sir. He sent it specially for you from Hyd with good wishes”.


Meena gave a warm hug to the EVP and said “Thanks Sandhya. Tell him I owe you both a big treat; And yeah, tell him Magic 7 still works wonders!!!”. The two women had a nice chuckle, before Meenakshi Raman briskly took the steps to make a grand entry that would a make big splash across the media that evening. Meena the Unstoppable had finally arrived…


So, what exactly was this Magic 7 that Rajan shared with her when he suddenly walked into Meena’s office while she was waiting for that one-on-one chat with Sandhya? While waiting at the airport lounge recently, this is what Meena managed to scribble on her notebook. And while doing it, she even came up with a smart acronym (SMILESS). Rajan instinctively knew that destiny had great plans in store for Meena. As he summarized some of his greatest insights from his life as a leader, he knew that his Magic 7 toolkit will surely help Meena to harness her strengths most effectively. Let’s read on to know more.



SMILESS: The Magic 7
  1. Shared ownership
  2. Micro-wins
  3. I-Talk!
  4. Learning Hat
  5. Expressions
  6. Story: Listen to the Story
  7. Switch-off

Shared ownership

As a leader, you’ve got to make the shared vision, goals & outcomes relatable to your team. Cut out the jargon and figure out how each one of them can see him/herself growing in alignment with the vision of the organization. Can they ‘feel’ it (the excitement about these outcomes) in the gut, at a visceral level? Or does it seem too impersonal and something “out there”? Think of different ways to refine your messaging and get the buy-in that will motivate folks from deep within… so much that at the crack of dawn they’re so excited that they can’t wait to get to office. It is leaders like you who make it happen. You have it within you!


Micro-wins

You’ve got to plan for quick wins, didn’t they say that at that leadership seminar for the n’th time again? Well, it’s not only about celebrating each positive outcome or development. As a leader, you’ve got to plan victories for your team; quick, small & big wins that make them experience a high, a sense of fulfillment as they better themselves in every step of the way.


How can you reframe your project tasks as ‘winnables’, and not just ‘deliverables’ on a spreadsheet or project plan? ‘Winnables’ may often involve stretch mini goals where they’ve got to learn something new, develop a new strength, or re-discover a talent they haven’t used in a while… Scour your plans and reframe them, and get them involed in the process too!

For example, rather than sending that drab reminder for the monthly report with the same text, do it this way:
So, Mike I want you to learn 3 very powerful ways to aggregate and present this data for the monthly report. Are you ready to take the challenge; Let me give you some tips, or wait let’s figure it out together!”?



I-Talk!

Your Self-Talk uses up a lot of the CPU processing power of your brain, much more than you can imagine! Since a lot of it happens without notice, very often it is the wrong kind of messages that clog up the CPU ! Without your express permission, they’ll alter your mood, change your thoughts and at times drain you out and may even send your blood sugar levels crashing with all that heavy duty “thinking”!


Even when the situation is dire, engage your brain consciously with questions that force you to explore and evaluate options and possibilities to move forward. Answers may take time, sometimes a lot of time, but that’s okay. Get your brain to spot that ‘elusive’ silver lining or send a command asking for clues to create a silver lining instead! Generously notice, acknowledge and appreciate inside your mind to begin with!

I-Talk is about talking to the friend that you can always count on more than anyone else in the world. Make it a habit!



Learning Hat

Learning and growth is no doubt important from a competitive edge point of view for an organization. But it also instills a sense of empowerment in every employee when she/he gets to enhance skills, talents, strengths, capabilities, and competencies and see themselves growing. Moving beyond the cognitive level, learning acquires a radical impact when it changes attributes, traits and characteristics of people, and thereby transforms not just the “way we do things here”, but more importantly, “the way we think out here”.


As a leader, it is up to you to “breathe life” into this very process. See yourself as an enabler in this process. Teach and learn, codify, share and reuse knowledge, and also create new knowledge (every insight, every “Eureka” moment counts even while reflecting on setbacks and abject failures). Show them that you absolutely care and want this to happen. Smartly tweak some of your ‘deliverables’ by adding ‘learnables’ alongside. Keep track and raise the bar whenever you can.




Expressions



One skill that can really be handy is the ability to read micro expressions on their faces. Especially as you become more senior, it can get increasingly lonely. As you may often get a very sanitized snapshot of reality from your reportees. By reading those fleeting micro changes in facial expressions and gestures, you may get more valuable hints about what they are actually thinking.


Micro expressions are not that easy to fake even if you attend workshops on body language skills! These micro expressions are often so automatic that people may not even realize they are showing these expressions. Explore more about the topic on your own, and take your non-verbal communication to the next level!



Story: Listen to the Story

How often do you take time to listen to the “story” behind that recent crisis resolution, or how your colleague managed to escape the customer’s wrath tactfully? Many leaders sign off with a traditional “Well Done, keep it up” routine that’s been done to death already. Instead, start asking them to elaborate about what really made it all happen, what they learnt about themselves… ask them open ended questions with genuine curiosity (let it show on your face, most importantly your eyes!)

People feel valued and acknowledged when they have an eager audience (in this case an audience of one is actually a cool privilege). Make it a learning process. Acknowledge and appreciate liberally and very sincerely. Encourage them to visualize the future and ask them to think loud about how they’ll handle even tougher challenges in future. Do this with more people, and do it often. It can work wonders, and can be far more enjoyable and rewarding than sitting through those employee engagement survey result presentations!

Again, breathe life into the process and observe your own growth as a Leader who is a cut above the rest! 




Switch-off 


Rhythmic breathing is a cool skill that you can add to your reportoire along with many other tools and methods that help you to switch off. Even a 30 seconds break to do two rounds of abdominal breathing can help your brain take that much needed chance to absorb information and connect diverse strands of data, information and thoughts. Connections do happen, just let them be!

Create mini habits that you can invoke at different times of the day; add in a few stretches, a few breathing exercises, eye rotation, a stroll, maybe some acupressure techniques, some great music, whatever works for you… variety and movement are the operative words.

Self Management is an art, an investment that pays off and a gift that keeps giving. So, breathe in...hold and relax!

Friday, 21 April 2017

Outsmart the Dodger & ReachOut2Win!

What’s your strategy to outsmart the consummate dodger?
Be it evading tough questions, shirking responsibility, or diverting attention from real issues… These smooth operators know how to hijack the scene without anyone noticing!

Fine sophistry, a little uncertainty here, some ‘light’ melodrama there, a hint of misunderstanding, enormous confusion, emotional subterfuge, and lots more. There’s a whole bag of tricks waiting for you!

Interacting with dodgers can be unnerving at the best of times. That’s when the full impact of those long winding conversations become visible.

How do you plan to take back the initiative, and restore the right focus in a discussion, meeting or interaction? So you’re not led up yet another blind alley!


Awareness is a good place to start…












Get going with the influence thing, one conversation at a time!
Reach out NOW, ReachOut2Win :-)

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Friday, 7 April 2017

Infuse that Optimism & ReachOut2Win!

What’s with that missing mojo? Are you wondering why those people aren't that forthcoming with creative thinking? What makes them so risk-averse? Looks like they’ve responded to some clarion call to ‘just-go-through-the-motions’!
Why this hesitation to go that extra mile, notwithstanding your generous prodding? 

How about an infusion of optimism, for a change?


There’s a reason why they aren't chasing you with their half-ready ideas! You might very well see yourself as a reasonably optimistic person… For ‘some’ reason they just don't seem to get it! 














Get going with the influence thing, one conversation at a time!
Reach out NOW, ReachOut2Win :-)

#successquotes #inspirationalquotes#emotion  #work  #coaching #thought#socialmedia #social #influencer#relationships #rapport #fear  #trust#collaboration #change #motivationalquotes #author#blog #blogger #beautiful  #selfimprovement #training #bangalore #FridayFunday #FridayReads #FlashbackFriday #FollowFriday #SocialSaturday #weekendvibes #goodvibes

Tuesday, 4 April 2017

Get on to the Same Page & ReachOut2Win!

“I just don't get it. How could they get so confused? I’d spent more than two hours to explain it all… What were they thinking?” Sameer kept tapping on the desk for a long time! 

After five days, this has indeed come as a rude shock. His team has missed out some vital data and inputs. Now there’s less than 72 hours for that all-important board meeting. Sameer is totally flustered…

Not a very unfamiliar scene in our workplaces!

That feeling of helplessness and intense frustration is something many will relate to… To find out that some of your “specific” suggestions, ideas and instructions were not really taken on board. Or that people missed out the finer nuance that you expected them to have ‘known’ by now! 

They did of course nod in agreement and seemed to be absolutely clear…
Alright, it’s not that people don't get confused…but did any one care to even ask?















Get going with the influence thing, one conversation at a time!
Reach out NOW, Reach out to win :-)


#successquotes #inspirationalquotes#emotion  #work  #coaching #thought#socialmedia #social #influencer#relationships #rapport #fear  #trust#collaboration #change  #mind #brain #results #wisdom #converse #motivationalquotes #author#blog #blogger #beautiful  #selfimprovement #training #bangalore #Monday #MondayBlues  #MotivationMonday #MondayMotivation #goodvibes #MondayFunday

Sunday, 2 April 2017

Handle Inauthenticity & ReachOut2Win!

Authenticity is one of the hallmarks of a real influencer. Not shying away from the grey areas. Having the maturity to face up to unpleasant truths. Okay to express one’s vulnerable side… without going over the top!

But, is your authenticity getting reciprocated?












Get going with the influence thing, one conversation at a time!
Reach out NOW, Reach out to win :-)



#successquotes #inspirationalquotes#emotion  #work  #coaching #thought#socialmedia #social #influencer#relationships #rapport #fear  #trust#collaboration #change  #mind #brain #results #wisdom #converse #motivationalquotes #author#blog #blogger #beautiful  #selfimprovement #training #bangalore #Sunday #SundayFunday  #SocialSaturday #weekendvibes #goodvibes

Saturday, 1 April 2017

Invest in their Change & ReachOut2Win!

Most people who embark on significant changes (professional or personal) can certainly do with that extra bit of reinforcement and encouragement. 

The change process can be exhausting at times. Self-doubt, confusion, frustration, dismay, grief, fear… it’s a heady cocktail, and can be overwhelming for many! 

You may be a peer, a manager, or just a friend… How do you see your role in their change?













Get going with the influence thing, one conversation at a time!
Reach out NOW, Reach out to win :-)

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